How I Got Started with My Discord Community✨
Last year, my little panda heart yearned for community and a sense of belonging. I let that sweet inkling sit in my heart for a while, since I wasn’t sure where I was going to grow this little seed.
Would I “Fail” Again?
This isn’t my first rodeo. I’d tried building a community via Facebook Group before. I remember doing everything I could to keep the group engagement going - by imitating a lot of the Facebook groups I was part of at the time. I planned my content to perfection, scheduled posts every single day and tried to get all kinds of activities going (tarot practice buddies, workshops to develop your intuition, weekly challenges).
Long story short…it didn’t work, lol! I quiet-quitted managing the group because it wasn’t long before I uh, burned out. Even the few members that engaged enthusiastically could not keep it up (which is just the nature of things - connections, group engagements tend to ebb and flow!)
At the time, I was too dejected to examine the reasons. It didn’t occur to me to figure out what wasn’t working so I could keep going. I didn’t have the confidence or wisdom to navigate obstacles…so I didn’t handle my…“failures” well. I also did not have the resilience I have now to know how to regulate my nervous system and weather my disappointments. It was easy to discourage me and get me to stop! (Honestly, I spent my early days of hustling this magical biz not really knowing what I truly wanted or how to commit to what I truly wanted for myself - but that’s a story for another blog post!)
Learning from My Mistakes (Mis)Managing a Community
Fast forward to last year, 2024 - where the desire for community, for a virtual hangout place - for a gathering of like-minded individuals - resurfaced. I knew I had to do things differently this time. I reflected on why the Facebook group didn’t work. It must have been because I was hell-bent on this idea of…”providing value” and teaching. A lot of the Facebook groups I was part of at the time were groups for business growth. They belonged to course creators and teacher figures I was following to learn business advice from. “Providing value” is suited to a teacher-student dynamic where the members of a group gather to learn, to gain access to the group leader’s experiences & curated materials, and yes, for “value”.
For a while, I thought this approach did not work for me because, perhaps, I didn’t believe in myself as an authority figure, or that I was self-sabotaging when I felt reluctant to step into that “teaching and value providing” role. Maybe I just needed to believe in myself more? (A valid conjecture, and something I do occasionally struggle with, but that wasn’t the reason.)
Focusing on What I Want to Create Instead of What I’m “Supposed” to be Doing
I thought about the people that gather around me, around Fables Den. Perhaps I’d got it all wrong! I’m sure my audience, my community and the people that support me see value in what I’m creating…but they don’t see me as a teacher, right? Or maybe they do…but…this isn’t what I want to do in a group? ’m more like a peer, and I’m just sharing the “exp’s” I’ve collected on my journey. We’re all in this together. (And sure, if I created a workshop or course that require a space for, say, group discussions or something - then I would 100% be focusing on providing “useful content” and education for the people that join the group. But that wasn’t what I wanted.)
That was when it clicked - people didn’t gather around Fables Den for its “teaching value”! People loved my stuff because they resonated with my journey! And if they resonated with my journey and my approaches to inner work, tarot, magical becoming and life in general…that must mean that they’re like me: introverted, introspective, intelligent, creative, playful and imaginative. We are seekers, wired for mysticism and empathy. We experience things deeply. We notice the little things. We sling tarot cards, deep dive into our inner universes to find the magic within, and we cozy up in a blanket with our cats to lose ourselves to Stardew Valley (or other cozy games of our choosing.) We are storytellers, word witches, and bookwyrms relishing in how narratives are woven.
(It actually took a while for the server to have this many channels - there was a lot of back & forth, and lots of co-creating happening!)
Instead of a “Teaching Space”, I Made a Space for Magical Gathering Instead
That’s the vibe!!!!!! I don’t have to teach - I just have to hold space for magic to happen! I just needed to hold the space & set the intention for like-minded and like-hearted individuals to gather. Instead of providing value, I held the intention to make people feel welcome and seen. Instead of needing people to engage so I could, what, feel like my group was “successful” and buzzing with traffic? I held the intention to be curious and ask people to share more of themselves. I completely let go of the idea that “I’m making this group so I can have a group that is full of engagement by providing value” (which was actually selfish and rooted in insecurity - basically just me making a group for the sake of having a group because that was what every online business owner was doing? ) and shifted into “I’m just vibing. I’m just having fun. I’m just making people feel welcome. We’re co-creating magic together.”
I knew instinctively Discord would be the perfect platform. Compared to a Facebook group, which felt less flexible, more passive and less interaction driven. Discord first started as a place for gamers to chat while they were gaming, but all kinds of online communities started using it as a gathering place. It seemed the perfect place to house a group of whimsical inner travelers, cozy witches and creative storytellers. Besides, I loved that I got to be more creative with how I set up the community - being able to map out different categories, channels & threads -I could really bring my vision of the Fables Den realm to life! Each channel would be a “gathering place”, and I would give it a creative name for the themes, topics & conversations it would encompass.
The Value in Joy & Belonging
I’d always wanted to make something like this! “Fairy Fountain” for topics related to healing & self-care (yes, a Legend of Zelda fan here), a “Panda Lounge” for snacks, naps, and other pandatastic activities. Oh, and a “Gamer’s Lair” for cozy gamers to geek out. And of course, “INNERSCAPES” for our inner stories, inner work, self-reflections, archetypes, myths…UGH! UNLEASH THE MAGIC!! 🌈✨
When I let go of the idea of measuring the success of a group with the level of engagement and chose to focus on my experience *as well as* the experience of the people that gathered around me - people responded with…”engagement”! (Except I won’t call it that anymore, because that’s no longer the point of the group! Also, I think people could feel the invisible pressure of the group leader wanting something from them? Even if it’s subconscious and benign? Most empathic and HSPs don’t like that!)
When I let myself relax and let go of the idea that “I must be regularly teaching, providing value and giving people something of use” to drive the group & keep people coming back (the hidden belief: otherwise - people won’t care enough to stay in the group because why would they stay just to chat and have a good time?), I was able to enjoy myself with whoever chose to show up on the server that day. We gathered because of our mutual love for tarot, spiritual growth, and all things cozy and woo-woo. That’s the “value” - the value of belonging and self-expression 💖
Recap & EXP’s
When choosing between different platforms to house your community, think about what what purpose YOU want it to have - and not what you think it SHOULD have based on what you’ve seen or the groups you’re in.
Having that said, give yourself room to try things out - you don’t have to get it right the first time, nor does it have to be perfect right away. I didn’t know what best suited me & my business until I put myself out there and tried…and later reflected on what worked for me and what didn’t! (And also, if you think people are watching & noticing your every move and every little change you’re making - you’re wrong. Nobody really notices anything 😂 and even if they did, they don’t really make a big deal out of it!)
Consider what YOU need and how you want to relate to your people. You may think that your group has to “serve” your members somehow, but before you consider what that means for you - you need to consider what serves YOU as well. What’s the best way for YOU to show up - in a way that you enjoy and uplifts your energy so you’ll be overflowing with good vibes so you could then “serve” your community members? (TL;DR: don’t make a group just to serve your audience. Create a group that is the source of your joy and within the zone of your genius. Otherwise, get ready for some serious burn-out!)
Or, forget about serving. You could also make a group just for funsies, you know? There’s value in joy and belonging too 🥰
If you’re introverted like me, you might not want to create a group setting that requires you to be front and centre all the time (like a content driven group). If that’s the case, creating a Discord server or Facebook community connected by mutual interests, with lots of interesting and different channels to discuss different topics might be better suited! I prefer Discord because I get to be creative and interact with people semi real-time. It’s like a casual chat room instead of just a collection of threads and posts to check out (aka Facebook Group)
P.S. I have more Discord-related & community management EXPs to share - be sure to subscribe to my newsletter to receive the latest updates!
