In a hurry to move on.
The 5 of Cups can be a pretty upsetting card. It’s about disappointment, emotional disharmony, and loss. I’m sure the “well, there are still two cups left standing” is often the “glass half full” version of the positive message that we are able to channel from a “downer” card like this. Each card has its light aspects and shadow aspects. Even the nigihtmarish 9 of Swords and 10 of Swords have a happy ending: all nightmares come to an end, and the worst is already over.
While I agree with all of those sentiments, there seems to be this urgency to move forward. To look on the bright side. To continue on with our narratives. To build our strengths and to continue to be okay. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?
I’ve been thinking, though. How about–if you draw the 5 of Cups, or a card that is inherently “darker” and portrays the negative emotions in life–instead of saying “you are going to experience the 5 of Cups” or “you are trapped in cycle of disappointment” or “you need to cultivate more positivity in order to appreciate the abundance that you already have in life–”
It simply means, “Yeah, I’m upset.” Or, “Meh.”
I realize from my own experience and readings I have given that…for those of us who are pursuing a spiritual path and seeking personal growth and development–those of us who are actively leveling up to become the best version of ourselves–we really give ourselves a lot of shit for feeling bad, don’t we? Because we’re not supposed to be trapped in a negative emotional pattern over and over again. We’re not supposed to experience anything low-vibe because it’s bad for us. We’re supposed to have achieved this level of confidence already. Haven’t we already learned this lesson!? How are we still trapped in these uncanny energetic frequencies, faced with the same or similar challenges, having to deal with the same types of shitty people, or bothered by unshakable shadow triggers?
The perfect emotional trajectory.
The perfect emotional trajectory for us would be to experience something, to realize and reorganize the truth and wisdom within ourselves, to grow from that experience, to grow as a person, and to feel better and confident henceforth. We’re supposed to be able to move on quickly, efficiently, easily. We’re supposed to be good at this, because we are spiritual! We are evolved! We worked hard to get to this point in our practice!
Our desire to become better as spiritual people can really take a toll on our existence as still-humans, can it not? It’s almost funny and ridiculous to think about. What we struggle with sometimes as spiritualist is not being spiritual enough. I remember when I broke up (for lack of a better word) with a person whom I have shared a decade of friendship with, I was eager to move on. I didn’t want to feel bitter and stabbed in the back because it was low-vibe. It wasn’t worth my time. It stopped me from growing spiritually. I was supposed to be forgiving. Caring. Non-attachment. Practice non-attachment. I am better than this. I want to be better than this. Ohhhhhhhhm.
Guess who’s been giving us a whole lot of shit?
It’s us!!! In our attempts to not feel like shit or deal with shitty situations anymore, we give ourselves SO MUCH SHIT for giving too much shit to a shitty person or situation…(as I’m writing this, I’m aware that I have been quite excessive with this “shit” metaphor. It’s funny and practical so I don’t really mind, but I swear, SWEAR on my pinkie that this is a temporary infestation. For those of you who are bombarded by the amount of toilet humour you’ve been getting across my social media channels, I apologize. I hope you’ve had a good laugh, though.)
What’s wrong with feeling like a curled up ball of upset!?
Nothing, really. I’m sure you’ve heard this before already. “We’re all human.” And I bet most of us would feel this tiny pang of rejection and “hmmph!” towards it. (Admit it, you!) Don’t worry. I get where you’re coming from. To be spiritual means we want to be more. More than average. More than who we were yesterday. More than human. That’s what drives us to be spiritual people and to grow. But feeling bad, upset, “meh”, disappointed, lost, insecure…those emotions needn’t be an indicator of our lack of progress, or evidence pointing towards our devolution. Being on a spiritual path isn’t about not meeting monsters or ghosts or shadow creatures or challenges at all. It’s not about never feeling upset as if we are enlightened beings wandering around with an ethereal aura that protect us and separate us from frequencies that aren’t meant to enter our field of reality. If you’re enlightened and done with being human–what’s the point then, in being human, right?
Feeling upset is part of the fun. Feeling disappointed is also part of fun. I know that seems like a weird sentiment, but hear me out. Those bad feelings or expeirences make us feel like shit but they are a testament to our experiences: the fact that we have loved, the fact that we have cared deeply about something, the fact that we are changing, growing, and becoming. If we aren’t rippling with those emotional waves that pass through us, if we only drift one side and not the other–then we might as well be on an automated theme-park ride, a two dimensional journey devoid of choice and growth.
So be upset. Be all kinds of upset.
And wallow in your sadness. Mope. Cry ugly tears. Binge-eat a box of strawberry chocolate donuts. Pull your hair out (not literally, please.) Hold space for your emotions, your feelings. The whole spectrum of it. Every colour of the rainbow. Let those colours exist within you. No matter how dark or how bright your experiences are, you know that you are still the same. You’re still you, journeying and navigating through life. You are a spiritual wayfarer. You journey not to complete your map. You journey to expand it, to discover new lands, to become a better navigator and traveler, to become more of yourself.